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Connection Between Family and Healthy Aging

October 30, 2019Filed Under: Senior Health and Wellness

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One cannot overstate the importance of family presence in a senior’s life. Family creates a consistent social network and connection that directly impacts the senior’s overall quality of life. Prioritizing family relationships provides continuity as a senior experiences change in their social network. Friends may change, become ill and unavailable, or even pass away, but family is multi-generational and, as such, has an enduring presence for an aging family member. The stability of family relations, even with the ups and downs of disputes, is a familiar source of social and emotional grounding, as well as practical help. A study by the United Health Group reports more than half of older Americans will cite faith or spirituality, and a loving family as the top reasons they have a positive outlook. That positive outlook brings tremendous benefits to a senior’s health and well being.

Sadly, not all seniors have the benefit of a nuclear family or close extended family. Yet, these connections were deemed more important than financial resources, according to the majority of participants in the United Health Group survey. Aging seniors who integrate into their family system are more prone to live healthier and longer lives than those seniors who remain isolated from family.  Even in the case of those seniors living with later stages of dementia, family contact can reduce disease symptoms and may stave off faster mental decline. How is it that family brings about higher rates of longevity?

Family contact helps to maintain a senior’s immune system. Family social connections create optimism, which in turn may lead to stronger cell-mediated immunity, the immune cells that are responsive to bacterial or viral invasions. The senior immune system can also become more adaptive and robust due to low-level exposure to a variety of pathogens when interacting with their family in person. Social seniors, even those in non-family settings, often have stronger immune systems because of human contact.

Other techniques to improve an aging immune system include nutritional supplements or vitamins along with a healthy, nutrient-rich diet. Also, regular exercise, maintaining vaccinations, reducing stress, restful sleep, proper hydration, washing hands, and a positive outlook can all boost a senior’s immune system. When a senior has an actively involved family, many of these health systems are put into play, especially the positive outlook. Having a family who cares about and cares for their elder members reduces feelings of depression, which feeds the cycle of optimism, improving overall health.

A higher level of cognitive functioning is linked to a family connection, as well. Brain health acquires benefits from being happy and socially engaged in activities that challenge memory and thinking skills. Human interaction goes beyond the more repetitive brain teaser challenges and puzzles because the social dynamic is fluid and unpredictable. A senior must engage all of their senses when responding while being in a family group. Holiday meals, birthday celebrations, family reunions, and many other typical family activities are good brainwork for an aging family member.  According to a study published in the Public Library of Science, elderly and even middle-aged adults who maintain active social circles appear to be at a lower risk of developing dementia. A family system is the ultimate pre-made social connection. “This finding could feed into strategies to reduce everyone’s risk of developing dementia, adding yet another reason to promote connected communities and find ways to reduce isolation and loneliness,” said the study’s lead author, Andrew Sommerlad, Ph.D., of University College London.

Family roles shift throughout time. Parents who used to care for their children now experience an evolving family structure and the inevitability of their mortal decline. When the roles of parenting reverse, it brings challenges for all involved. Financial support is often needed when a parent is in declining health, and the ability of family members to contribute such help to the senior offers great relief and helps to reduce stress. Even if a family system is unable to provide financial support, emotional support does wonders for the aging process of a family member. Positive conversations and interactions can increase their level of contentment, reduce worry, and bring family inclusiveness and a sense of belonging to the senior.

Not all seniors have a family who can play an active role in their life. However, with extra effort, relationships can be forged that will be mutually beneficial, especially in the digital age of social media. While friendships oftentimes never replace an actual biological family, the adage that “friends are the family you give yourself” rings true and can create lasting and meaningful connections.

All of these connections are really about feeling loved. The benefits of being grounded in love, and what that brings to a person is profound. What if you never felt alone? What if you always felt loved? What if you could live your life knowing that someone was always in your corner, still there for you? The answer is the same to all of these questions – you would have a better chance at living your best life physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Strengthen family connections and friendship relations. Modern technology has made it easier than ever to be a part of someone’s life. Text, email, video chat, and social media platforms provide interaction when it is not possible to physically be with a family member.  However, do not overlook the more traditional methods of contact, which include personal visits, a phone call, and a handwritten letter or a card sent via snail mail. While these “old school” methods may not seem relevant to younger generations, they are particularly meaningful to a senior.

Every connection can make a difference. A close family can learn, share, and grow together. Outcomes from these shared experiences benefit all members, but in particular, the older family members. Younger generations are also gaining an invaluable lesson. The digital world is reconfiguring human experiences electronically and is leaving many people wanting of human connection.

If you have questions about planning for yourself or a loved one, or if you would like to talk about your particular situation, please don’t hesitate to contact our Cinncinatti office by clicking here to send us a message or call us by dialing (513) 771-2444.

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Divorce and the Collaborative Process

December 12, 2016Filed Under: Current Events, Dissolution, Divorce, Uncategorized

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I’ve been watching the show “Divorce” on HBO (Sarah Jessica Parker) fairly religiously because I like HBO and SJP and I also practice family law.

[Spoiler Alert!!]  In the first couple of episodes after divorce became a likely option for the characters, they started down what is often a common way of handling the conflict.    First, they went to mediation and tried to work things out without lawyers.  This show subscribes to a traditional stereotype of a lawyer – that they make everything worse and more expensive. So the characters opted not to go that route “to keep things amicable”. All things I’ve heard before.  Things were going well with mediation.  But then the husband talked to a friend who said he should “lawyer up” to make sure his interests are protected.   So he did that without telling his wife.  When the wife got wind of the husband getting a lawyer, she went for the best, most expensive lawyer in town to one up the husband and make sure her interests were protected.   This caused the husband to panic and decide he needed a “better” lawyer, so he went and hired the dirtiest meanest women-hating lawyer in town to protect his rights.   Then, the wife determined her lawyer was not getting the job done  so she fired him and hired the dirtiest, meanest man-hating lawyer in town to protect her rights.  Meanwhile, the parties were able to co-parent, deal with each other and parties of common friends and go to visit wife’s family for the holidays without the help of their lawyers.   The last scene was the husband being served divorce papers in the middle of coaching his daughter’s basketball game to wife’s surprise.   A recipe for disaster.

We are talking about a TV show so of course there is the usual bit of Hollywood dramatization and exaggeration. However, I would say its a fairly accurate portrayal of how things can go when starting the divorce process.  If these parties had been introduced to the Collaborative Process in the beginning, they may never have completely cut off their chance at an amicable resolution of their issues. Instead, they are spending their hard earned money “one-upping” each other with their lawyers and entering into the process using fear as a tactic.  Wife also managed to humiliate her husband and children in public as icing on the cake.

This is definitely one way to handle your divorce and there are lawyers out there willing to take your money to do it that way.  But usually the end result is not good for either party, especially if children are involved.

By contrast, the Collaborative Process insists that each party has the chance to hire a lawyer of their choice who is trained in the Collaborative Process before any sort of negotiation begins.  The parties hire their lawyers at the outset and can set the tone of their process.   Then, depending on the distinct issues in the case, the attorneys may recommend hiring a family relations specialist and a financial expert to help move the process along.  The process is meant to be a team approach and the lawyers advise on what the party’s interests are so that the party has a frame of reference as to whether they are agreeing to something for or against his/her interest.  Your lawyer is still fully on your side in an advisory position.     If you are interested in this approach to ending your marriage vs. the one described at the beginning of this blog,  contact me to set up a consultation to discuss your options.

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“High Conflict” Divorce: What it is, and what you can do to mitigate its ugliness.

January 30, 2014Filed Under: Uncategorized

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No uniform definition has yet been broadly accepted to define “high conflict divorce”(s), with the field of study almost taking a Potter Stuart “I know it when I see it” approach [see Stuart’s concurring opinion in Jacobellis v. Ohio 378 U.S. 184 (1964)](It’s a good read). Dr. Janet R. Johnston of Stanford University, very aptly in my opinion, separates the various flavors of high-conflict divorce proceedings into the domain, tactics, and attitudinal dimensions (Johnston, Janet R., “High-Conflict Divorce,” in The Future of Children, Spring 1994)( https://www.princeton.edu/futureofchildren/publications/docs/04_01_09.pdf).

Domain conflict comes from the parties seeking to rigidly stake out what is theirs. This type of conflict is characterized by cutting off their spouse from resources, places, and even the children. Tactical conflict comes from unnecessarily nasty or intrusive litigation tactics. Examples would include unreasonably long or arduous document requests, subpoenaing unnecessary witnesses, etc. Attitudinal conflict simply comes from the parties’ attitudes about one another and the way those attitudes manifest themselves in the divorce proceedings. A good hypothetical would be if an offer for personal property awarded one party “the Sea-Doo I bought for him while he was off with that ……”instead of just saying “the Sea-Doo.” It’s the same piece of property no matter how it is characterized, but the ‘attidudinal’ (I am making that a word) conflict could prevent resolution.

With all this in mind, here are three ways to at least mitigate, if not prevent, high-conflict situations.

1. Do not Engage

I say this all the time, and only some clients believe me, but whether or not to engage is your decision. It may be hard to resist, but it is up to you. A verbal engagement isn’t like a physical one, it requires both parties actively participate in the conflict. This is where attorneys are so useful. That is what we are here for. Whenever the other side tries to engage, tell them to speak to your attorney about it. Say the mantra over and over in your head and get comfortable with it. If the other side refuses not to attempt to engage you directly (and the vast majority will stop if you make it clear you will not reciprocate), you have to move to the next step.

2. Separation

High-conflict divorces can be a nasty business, and none of us are perfect. If you find yourself unable to avoid engagement, or that the other side’s abuse has started to affect other parts of your life (work, friends, your ability to parent, etc.), you are not in a healthy place, and need to leave. That can mean moving to the guest bedroom, leaving the house or insisting the other side leave, or simply adjusting your schedule in a way that limits contact. If it has become too much, it is important to speak to your attorney about your options. Family attorneys are experts at creating separation while protecting your interests.

3. Speak to Someone

‘Counselor’ may be synonymous with ‘attorney’ in the United States, but we are best at protecting your legal interests from your emotions, not actually dealing with those emotions. This is where friends, family, religious leaders, and mental health experts come in. Remember, seeking mental health does not mean there is mental disease. We all need help, and the best of us cannot get through high-conflict situations without injury. Speaking to someone can be one of the best ways to prevent or heal those injuries.

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Olivia K. Smith, Attorney at Law
Cornetet, Meyer, Rush & Stapleton Co., L.P.A.
123 Boggs Lane,
Cincinnati, Ohio 45246
Tel: (513) 771-2444
Fax: (877) 483-2119
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Olivia K. Smith, Attorney at Law
Cornetet, Meyer, Rush & Stapleton
123 Boggs Lane
Cincinnati, OH 45246
Phone: 513-771-2444
Fax: 877-483-2119
oksmith@cmrs-law.com

Family Law Attorney Olivia K. Smith, LLC represent clients in Cincinnati, Anderson Township, Batavia, Loveland, Mason, Milford and other communities in Hamilton County, Clermont County, Butler County and Warren County.

Disclaimer: The information you obtain at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation. I invite you to contact me and welcome your calls, letters and electronic mail. Contacting me does not create an attorney-client relationship. Please do not send any confidential information to me until such time as an attorney-client relationship has been established.

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