Divorce - Part 2

Holidays and Divorce

November 17, 2015Filed Under: Child Custody, Dissolution, Divorce, Misc Advice

The holidays are here! Can you believe it? For divorced/living separate families, this time of the year can present a whole host of new challenges and anxieties. While you were married or together you may have split Thanksgiving between two or even three events with various parts of your extended families. You may have spent Christmas Eve with your family and Christmas Day with his family. You may have agreed to stay in town for Thanksgiving every year and celebrate with your family and go to Chicago to visit his parents every year for Christmas. When a breakup happens, it is inevitable that your yearly traditions will change. These changes may be hard on you, your children, your former spouse or significant other, and the extended families involved.
A common way that separating individuals handle holiday division is by implementing the Court’s standard order. The standard order serves, among other things, to divide up holidays with the children between the mother and father. For example, during even years the mother may have the children until 9pm on Christmas Eve and the father may have the children at 9pm on Christmas Eve through the day after Christmas. This arrangement works well for a lot of individuals, especially those in a high conflict situation where sitting down and negotiating is simply not an option. Keep in mind that your family is not bound to follow the Court’s standard order. The parents can make any agreement that works best for their family. I recommend if at all possible that parents first consider their holiday traditions and try to tailor their agreement around those traditions if such traditions exist. This consideration and specific tailoring of the holidays may bode well for your children’s adjustment to the separation. If concessions are made and your holiday schedule looks different than before, that is okay too. Overtime new traditions will develop. You may also need to have a talk with your extended family and come up with alternative plans. Hopefully your family will be understanding and willing to modify their holiday traditions so that your children can be included in the celebration! At the end of the day, it really is all about your attitude and willingness to be flexible that will make or break this holiday season. I wish you and your family peace and happiness!

Can my child choose who has custody in a Ohio Divorce?

November 12, 2015Filed Under: Child Custody, Dissolution, Divorce

One of the most common questions I am asked by a client is “How old does my child to have to be before she can choose what parent she wants to have custody of her after a divorce in Ohio?”

The answer to this question is that there is no specific age where the Court has to rely on a child’s wishes solely when determining who will have custody of her.

In 1991, the Ohio divorce custody statute was amended and the right for a child to choose the custodial parent was deleted. The new custody statute (contained in Ohio Revised Code 3109.04 – http://codes.ohio.gov/orc/3109.04) spells out a list of factors that the Court must consider when allocating custody of a child. These factors include the following:

Wishes of the parents
Wishes of the child
Child’s interaction and relationship with the parents, siblings, etc
Child’s adjustment to the home, school, and community
Mental and physical health of all persons involved
Which parent is more likely to honor court approved visitation/companionship rights
Whether either parent has failed to make all child support payments
Whether either parent (or other member of the household) has been convicted of a criminal offense that resulted in the child being abused/neglected (sex offenses, etc.)
Whether one of the parents has willfully denied the other parent his/her parenting time
Whether either parent has or is planning to establish a residence out of state

As you will note in #2 above, the wishes of a child are required to be taken into account in a custody analysis by the Court. However, this one factor isn’t always outcome determinative as there are 9 other factors for the Court to review. However as the child becomes a teenager, this factor is probably weighted more than if the child is 7 years old. The bottom line is that your child’s wishes aren’t always determinative of the outcome of custody but they are important and taken into consideration during a full analysis under the law. If you have any additional questions regarding your Cincinnati divorce or wish to set up a consultation please contact Olivia through the information on her website.

Kids, Clothing and Divorce

September 21, 2015Filed Under: Child Custody, Child Support, Divorce, Misc Advice

As trivial as this topic may seem, clothing as it relates to your kids in a divorce or custody scenario can be a big deal and cause a lot of conflict. I’ve witnessed people handle clothing sharing many different ways during my years of practice. While there is not necessarily one right way to handle the exchange, there is one very wrong way to handle it which is making clothing exchanges your child’s problem.

I happen to believe that if a parent is paying guideline support to the other parent (meaning, there are no deviations) that parent should supply clothing for the other parent during his or her time. I believe the purpose of child support is to provide food, clothing and shelter and the child support figure the Obligor pays represents his or her share of that cost. I also think the parent should return the clothing to the other parent within a reasonable period of time.

However, the example of one parent providing all the clothing for the other parent’s time does not always work because often time parents share equal time with the kids and do not exchange child support. So what is the best way to handle the exchange of clothing in that type of situation? I don’t necessarily think there is a one size fits all approach. One approach could be for the parents to set a clothing budget, share the cost and work together to make sure that clothing is equally divided among the houses. If there is an imbalance, which there could likely be at some point, talk to one another about dividing the clothing again. I would say this method would work smoothly for about 1 and 20 situations. It’s a little too much interaction and could cause a lot of conflict.

Another approach is for each parent to buy his/her own set of clothing, mark the clothing in some fashion, that is not obvious to the child, and return the marked clothing to the respective parent periodically (weekly, monthly, etc). Don’t do the exchange or inventory through the children. The last thing a child needs to worry about is getting yelled at by his or her parent if she forgets to bring back this or that pair of shorts. That is unfair to your child.

Along the same line as the previous example, I have seen moms and dads require their kids to take off the other parents clothing and shoes when they arrive at the house, put on the receiving parent’s clothing, require the child to put the other parent’s clothing in a bag and then change back into that clothing when the time with that parent is over. I hate thinking of how strange this must be for a kid who probably just wants to get on with his day and not worry about changing clothes. However, if this is the best way for you to reduce overall conflict for the children, this may be the best option for you.

At all times, I would suggest being kind and washing the other parent’s clothing, putting it nicely in a bag and handing it to the other parent during exchanges. Resist the urge to “screw over” the parent by sending back played in, dirt covered clothing. That type of behavior does not bode well for your karmic relationship with the world.

Not everyone can have the ideal scenario with an ex. Maybe its not even your fault. Either way, you have an obligation to handle the issue of clothing in a way that is the least disruptive to your child because at the end of the day, we are talking about clothing here. Exposing your child to conflict is far more harmful and should be your main concern at all times.

I would also recommend dealing with the issue of clothing in your divorce documents wherever possible. Having a set out plan can certainly keep you out of Court in the future.

If you have any questions about divorce or custody, please reach out to Olivia through this website.

Holidays and Divorce: Things WILL Change

November 19, 2014Filed Under: Child Custody, Dissolution, Divorce

The weather outside just dropped from an incredibly comfortable fall cool to a damp and nasty chill in about two hours, and shows no signs of going back. You know what that means. It must be holiday season. Soon stores will be lined with red and green, and friends will argue bitterly whether Christmas music is permissible between Halloween and Thanksgiving. For so many of us, especially those with large extended families close by, the holidays carry many traditions, expectations, and norms. I remember as an eight year old being horrified that we were no longer doing Thanksgiving at my grandma’s, not at all appreciating the impossible logistics of stuffing our growing family into my grandmother’s less than 2,000 square-foot house. A couple years later when my parents divorced, lots of other things changed. This article will outline some of my experiences, observations, and retrospect on how ending a marriage affects the holidays.

The Great Schism

The initial split of a marriage with children can be hugely daunting, and the first couple years are usually the most stress-ridden for both parents and child(ren). Many married households do the same thing every year for certain holidays, and after a divorce, keeping that up is frequently impossible or unfair. Every child is different, but in my experience, children are pretty flexible when it comes to holiday traditions when both parents actively endorse the change. Children value a lack of conflict between their divorced parents (which can create incredible stress and even longer-term developmental and behavioral problems) far more than their holiday traditions. The key is usually the two parents sitting down and hashing out how all holidays will work in one sitting. It is very un-lawyerly of me to say this, but holidays are one thing that clients usually figure out better than their attorneys. No one knows your family better than you.

Sources of Conflict

Even when divorced parents have maturely hashed out a sensible and reasonable holiday schedule, problems can arise at actual implementation. Conflict often arises when one parent has a significantly larger contingent of extended family living close than the other. This was the case with my family, and that meant when my parents were together, we far more often spent holidays with my mother’s family. However I was lucky in that my parents made it work. My mother didn’t insist I spend every Thanksgiving with my cousins or make fun of the year my dad and I did a private Thanksgiving one year with a chicken rather than a turkey (it was a really big chicken), or the year we went to Furr’s Cafeteria. At the same time if a year fell that my mother’s family did something particularly big, or someone I hadn’t seen in forever was in town, they moved things around. The key to holidays, and really everything when it comes to parenting children with divorced parents, is the parents working together.

Keep in Mind, Every Family is Different

Divorces are by nature unpleasant affairs, and their aftermaths are never perfect. Your ex may not be as sensible as my parents were, and it may force holidays to be strictly governed by your separation agreement or shared parenting plan. This author knows coordinating holidays after the end of a marriage is far harder than this article may have made it seem, but hopefully it provided a little knowledge and perspective.

Happy Holidays

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Holidays and Divorce

Can my child choose who has custody in a Ohio Divorce?

Kids, Clothing and Divorce

Holidays and Divorce: Things WILL Change

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